COME OUT TO THE GARDEN MA- copiled by Beatrice and Worzel

Godfrey’s leaving home at the age of 16 ,was long in his plans but , but helped along by the fact his long suffering Ma threw both he and his sister Alice out on the same day…there are conflicting accounts of what happened, a true fumble of events.

ALICE FOUND THE HERRING- oh yes she found the herring , I was there, I was there.but it could have been worse, it was legendary, after the Super Dog Haggis she fed Godfrey, Alice found the herring deep in her purse.The herring, rotten herring  backstage before singing with The Uncle Lou Band, never had she had to run so fast, knees up, covering her mouth with her hand.Uncle Lou in a rage left his trombone on the stair , between heaves Alice blubbered to her uncle it was Godfrey put it there.Only I Mabel Krept  stayed at mt piano set to play, daring not to laugh at Alice’s display, for I knew Lou would rub Godfrey’s face in beets….

( Nasty Lou  Gland, trombone player in the worlds worst band.)   THEN CAME MY CAKE- my birthday cake said Beatrice that Alice  was happy to bake. A fine chocolate cake dark and sweet, Godfrey enjoying his third slice, when Alice piped up , he ate beets!! He ate beets, he ate beets, he ate beets in the cake, there are beets in there, finely ground up and baked, oh brother dear, you ate beets. It was now Godfrey heaving, laying in the grass, his Ma was strangely quiet, I helped her take the cake inside and bring  Godfrey out some cordial in a glass.

..Bad Sister Bad, she muttered, for the first time I could understand her. When Godfrey was small and his parents went out, leaving Alice in charge of the two, she told  her young brother “raisins are bug guts”, then painted the lad,(who really loved raisins)- blue.He did it himself she lied, and Godfrey too young to explain it , knowing better he rarely cried. Alice cherished the times she minded Godfrey, she dared him eat fly spray, and read scary stories like “The Horrible Hag of Detroit”.  For years at night every step on the stair  woke him up in fear that The Hag of Detroit was there, with dirty nails and three green teeth and coming to get him with beets.

On the urging once of her cruel Uncle Lou , Alice threw Godfrey into the sea. “Lucky for me’ destiny states I will never drown’,said Godfrey. Uncle Lou hooked me out with a fish pole, as I was going down.

Iris, their Ma could not abide the writings of Alfred Lord Tennyson, even mention of his name would displease her, Alice would leave his books strewn about, and blame it on Godfrey to tease her…and Alice, Alice could really sing, she loved to sing and on this day she sang, COME TO THE GARDEN MA,  COME, COME, COME OUT TO THE GARDEN MA, COME, COME, COME SEE WHAT GODFREY HAS DONE.

The clever lad had managed to create  a Beet- A- Pult  from  sections of an outhouse door, and an old gate , and provided by me BEATRICE, filched from my own Ma, a great  wooley, old winter Bra. It was reinforced for maximum yield, loaded with beets, aimed away from the house, and parked at the edge of the sheep field. ..Come to the Garden Ma, Alice sang in the bath, she sang in the car, she sang Lady of The Lake … and next day it was when  Alice came home, she found all she owned, on the porch. The Beet-a PULT-  was all Godfrey and  Alice’s poor, long suffering old Ma could take.


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