It was a November afternoon on Sonsie Farm, already dark, chores done Beatrice and I sat by the fire, over a shoe box of penny postcards Godfrey had sent  from family outings when they were both young.

“I kept them all, Beatrice sighed, some said only FROM GODFREY, and posted. Some arrived weeks after he returned home, one described in vivid detail his allergic reaction to midge bites.” There was a postcard of beets, tidily displayed in a market stall.

“I have seen the light and now love beets” was clearly forged by his naughty sister Alice. Beatrice explained, that Godfrey’s Ma saved her cream money,  and they always went somewhere for a summer jaunt in one of the decrepit cars, Ma owned over the years. I had read the story of his visit to Glasgow at eight. Tell me Beatrice dear do, did he snitch the tin of Bowel-Bind from his Uncle Hamish’s Loo?.

It was Alice did that, she spoke softly,  here is the story.  It was Alice snitched the Bowel-Bind, she scraped it into a treacle tin, knowing Godfrey, unable to resist sweets would find it. Before he could though his Ma used it for a batch of muffins intended for her knitting circle. Greedy Uncle Lou smelled them cooling and ate the entire  batch with marmalade….It looked like black treacle, sweet and slightly bitter to, he ate 24 fresh muffins, did nasty Uncle Lou.

Uncle Lou traveled with his band, he played the slide trombone. He was found twixt loo and stage that night, curled up all alone. Oh the pain, was all Uncle Lou could moan. (She spit when she talked), did Miss Commerford the town nurse. She gave him syrup of figs to drink which just made matters worse.

The empty Bowel-Bind tin was found, bottom of the rubbish bin, oh the trouble innocent Godfrey and I were in..Miss Commerford the town nurse,(she spits when she talks) next day was seen at Uncle Lou’s door, with a pail, a length of hose, and something in a large box.

We were soundly punished, unjustly, Alice got away with it. The knitting circle got new cream-buns and muffins, and Uncle Lou eventually a shixxxqqeot. He sent me penny postcards when he journeyed away, He prefered them over letters, and I have kept them in shoe boxes to this day..


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