Yelled At IN HEALTH FOOD STORE/THE SUMO SUIT- The 57th Wisdom of Godfrey-From Worzel

It was predicted at his birth, that my friend, The Vagabond Godfrey would never drown…that was a good thing. It was not predicted that he also could” find adventure in an empty room.”

Was Worzel sent me to the shop, as reported by Godfrey.  It reeked of rendered Oil of Emu, incense stick, fresh garlic, All manner of odd teas for bowels and flu. “In line I waited patiently, fiddling with a prism”, in no hurry, wrote in his journal did Godfrey.

An employee, sipping same said tea, set down her mug to take my money, nicked her finger, saw the blood, went down with a healthy thud. Same moment, leaning in the door, a drunkard sought the liquor store. They shooed him out, a mouse ran in, it darted neath a bulk bin.

The girl who’d fainted cleared her head, the drunk came back, two customers fled, the mouse was taken out, by a well aimed tin, of organic pumpkin.

“I was yelled at”. For I saw a glass case, with candles and nice things for ladies wear, thought I’d find a gift for Worzel, as in the melee, had forgotten why she had sent me there. “I pulled on a handle gently,the door came off, the  case tipped over, and shattered all about me”.

The shop owner, old Mrs Tuggle, worried only the stigma of customers fleeing from struggle. She had a thick accent, on her chin a great brown Wen, and she wielded a long stick with a hook on the end.

Mrs Tuggle, short and wide, aged 83, limped into the chaos, and yelled at me. With her stick she hooked my kilt by the hem like a rag, shoved me out where now two drunks sat side by side, sharing swigs they were, from a brown paper bag.

They found it all hilarious, offered to share, but politely I declined. I adjusted kilt and dignity, headed on home picking candle wax, garlic, bits of tea and glass from my hair.

THE SUMO SUIT- His 57th Wisdom

We celebrated one hot summers day, a rally for world peace, with march, and vigil and message of quiet protesting. There was food, and song, and someone renting inflatable suits for fun mock sumo wrestling.

Something even Godfrey had never tried, it was firmly inflated once we had wedged Godfrey inside. The sumo ring was roped off, above the seashore in deep soft grass, a stalwart young woman bowed twice to Godfrey, then knocked my friend flat on his ass.

I saw his face in shock, as he started to roll neath the rope, down hill at a clip and along the Government Dock. I saw him drop off the side of the pier, heard the old fisherman shout, down the harbor bobbed Godfrey, a strong tide was going out.

Soon above him a news helicopter did hover, two ferries were delayed sailing out to Vancouver. Police lined the shore as he was towed back, by a kind old fellow in a passing kayak. Delicately put, he was dragged ashore,  his suit deflated, taken away in only wet shorts, not clear as what to do with Godfrey, betwixt creating a nuisance, traffic violations or torts.

“I will indeed pay for the sumo suit”, he told the humorless Magistrate. Was next morning,  in court down upon him she glared, all I can say in my defense, for delaying the ferries is this, the wisdom he shared.

The 57 th Wisdom of Godfrey states-

” I under stand that wisdom is defined by age, knowledge and experience”. “When Mock Sumo Wrestling”, mind you do not try it outdoors, on slippery grass without benefit of walls or stout fence”

Down the nasty courthouse hallway, into soft summer day, I walked arm in arm with Godfrey. “How did it feel?, asked I, to be zipped into a sumo suit, in path of float plane and incoming ferry? “Life passed quickly before me as I rolled, replied he, and I wet myself, so in fact was quite relieved to reach the sea”.

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10 thoughts on “Yelled At IN HEALTH FOOD STORE/THE SUMO SUIT- The 57th Wisdom of Godfrey-From Worzel

  1. Oh my goodness … these tales as be told have my sides wanting holding for the laughter exploding from within!

    Worzel, you weave such a glorious tale in the telling: truly a joy to visualize the ensuing chaos and Godfrey’s innocent reaction to both encounters. I so adore that young man!

    Tears of laughter still spewing from the eyes as Ginger attempts to relay both adventures (between guffaws) to Lonewolf!

    Thanks for brightenting our day with such delight!

  2. It was knowing his destiny that made him fearless, but ever polite. Must catch up your deloightful blog- many thanks for the read.

  3. I don’t know what made me guffaw more: the two stories or the very clever rhyming that popped up throughout beginning with ” It reeked of rendered Oil of Emu, incense stick, fresh garlic, All manner of odd teas for bowels and flu,” to ““Life passed quickly before me as I rolled, replied he, and I wet myself, so in fact was quite relieved to reach the sea.” The third paragraph in Health Food Store and the second paragraph in Sumo Suit are particularly hilarious with their comic action and rhyme. You made my day with this post, Sheila. I’m still giggling.

    • So good Janet, again to guffaw..at my work,we have bag sealer,it is not exactly”state of the art”, I call it The Bandersnatch, today I got yelled at when my boss heard me cal it an “Ignorant Piece of Maraga”. I so love words. Thank you.

  4. My Godfrey virginity has been broken. What a delicious way of getting relief from the trials of your day…insert it into your stories. I’ve come up with a new word to describe fresh baked bread, percolating coffee & a loved one that smells good…”scentillating.”
    Warehouse Wombat.

    • Dear Doyle- welcome to Godfrey’s saga- a bit long and rambling, but a story for most every day.Warehouse Wombat indeed- Happy New Year.

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